July 3, 2020
*Quiz at the bottom
Diamonds are crystals of pure carbon formed in the inner layers of the earth under extreme pressure and heat. The harsh combination causes each carbon atom to adhere to four other carbon atoms, making the diamond remarkably strong.
Out of that hostile environment comes the gem that is valuable, durable, and stunning enough to represent marriage itself.
Marriage is like that diamond.
Heat and pressure will come. In fact, it is even NECESSARY for the formation process. Without it, there is no treasure. The temptation to flee the process will be great, and it is the easier choice for sure.
But if we stay and bind ourselves to the one to whom we whispered a promise, we come out like that carbon atom – stronger, wiser, and more beautiful than before.
Just to be clear – this does not apply to anyone in abusive or toxic marriage situations. But to the rest of us who are simply weary, distant, contemptuous, and bored, we can chose to invite and welcome the refining process.
Where did we ever get the idea that marriage would be easy?
Reclaiming our marriages is an active choice.
It means we refulse to give up when we encounter bitterness, contempt, disregard, and neglect.
We fight FOR our marriages rather than AGAINST them.
“Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.”Matthew 12:25
What are a few core lies about marriage that we need to de-bunk?
#1. My spouse is responsible to complete me.
I can be a whole, healthy person on my own. When the pressure of my happiness is on another human being, I set up the relationship for disappointments, pain, and resentment.
The responsibility for me own well-being is on me alone and I will accept it!
Practicals for well being: time alone with myself, development of myself, exercise, healthy eating, mental training
#2. Love is a feeling.
Deep, soulful, sacrificial love is a series of decisions made in th everyday workshop of life. Everyday we make decisions toward our marriage or away from – no middle ground.
#3. Children will heal our problems and should be the focus of our attention.
If children, rather than the marital relationship, is at the center of the family, then kids will grow up insecure, and the family will be unstable. The best gift you can give your children is to love each other first and to love each other well. Ask any college-aged child. They have enough perspective to tell you this is true.
Recognizing these lies is the first step to moving towards wholeness in your marriage.
The other step is taking inventory of where you are personally in your marriage.